50 Peeps. 60 Minutes.
March 25th, 2005
After the halfway point, even though it was "all down hill" from there, I started wondering if I could finish. I was barely keeping up with one a minute, and while that was still a little ahead of the 72 seconds, it was getting steadily worse. Three quarters of the way through was really, really tough, but after that I started to perhaps see the light at the end of the sugar tunnel.
There you see me at 30 peeps (look at the small orange blocks, not the big "17" - that just cycles through a 72 second count.
Actually that reminds me, here's the program I promised to show you back on the first page. It sucks, but it helped. Here's a fun game for the people playing at home! Click on the little yellow +1 boxes to recreate my agony.
Throughout this, my stomach didn't hurt much. It certainly wasn't thanking me, but it wasn't rejecting anything either. The problem was just in getting them down. Every single bite after the halfway mark triggered a gag reflex. So gross. You think that crap they eat on Fear Factor is gross? Well, okay, yeah it is, but Peep #49 ain't no shrimp scampi either, my friend.
You know how if you eat a big meal with a lot of ham, or a giant hamburger or something, you get the "meat sweats"? Well apparently it's possible to get the sugar sweats too. I felt warm, was lightheaded, and seriously annoyed that there was absolutely no sugar high. I suppose it was countered by the misery.
Forty Peeps are In My Stomach. Actually by the end I think they were starting to back up in my esophagus, because I've been burping for the past two hours and bits of Peep keep coming up. Do you know how friggin' gross that is? No you don't, because no one in their right mind would eat 50 stupid Peeps!
At this point, I had to start alternating between taking a minute to rest and then scarfing some more down as soon as I could get the gag reflex back under control. It was laborious and made me nervous. Again, I was still on schedule for my hour deadline but it was really, really cutting it close. I kept checking the clock on the wall, the clock on my computer, and the timer on the flash file, hoping that somehow I had misread the time and there was still plenty left. Tick-tock, tick-tock.
My warm reception of the last five peeps. Have you ever seen a man flip off a quintet of Peeps? Well now you have. Tell your grandchildren. Peep 46 was a kick in the face to get through, just because it was the "first of the last"....47 didn't really give me any more trouble than the other in the last twenty minutes. Tick-tock. 48 wore on me hard; all it did was try not to get swallowed. I tried to choke it down but it kept hopping back up. The stupid things are so slippery and spongy! And 49 was no better. Tick-tock. By this point in time it's literally the last two minutes of the hour. Thankfully I set it back up for video mode while eating the early 40s, because I have here, set to music, the video of me eating PEEP NUMBER FIFTY. It's big. It's 18 megabytes. Don't download it unless you really want to watch it.
I AM HARD CORE!
Click here for the eating of PEEP #50 (18mb, hope it holds out)
*** File is OFFLINE due to bandwidth constraints.
Peep 50 was actually easier to eat than every Peep number 25 through 49. Why? Because I knew it was the last freakin' Peep I would be eating for a very, very long time. The others I had to slave through, pitifully nibbling on them in despair. The final Peep, my worthy adversary, the King Peep, however, I despatched with honor and swiftness. I never thought I'd be so proud to eat a wad of puffed sugar.
The Aftermath. I destroyed those things. Man oh man. Like I said before, I've been burping straight for two hours. It goes like this: "BURP - ughghhhhh....sorry" then my eyes either roll back a little or my head falls forward. It would be funny if it weren't happening to me. There must be some frightful chemical reactions going on in my stomach right now. No barfing, but I was nauseous for the entire last half hour of the trial.
But in my loyal and faithful dedication to entertaining you (yes you!) the reader (yes you!) if you click on the last picture here of my fingers, you can get a 1600x1200 image of, well, those fingers, for use as a wallpaper or backdrop or whatever you call it these days. It's about 300kb. Please don't steal my fingerprints and commit crimes in my name.
My tongue was dark purple, my fingers were sticky and covered in sugar, my stomach threatened rebellion, and still isn't very pleased with me. I think somehow there's Peep flesh in my sinus cavities. There's probably blue sugar in my lungs. But I know this:
I DID NOT FAIL.
Do please have a safe and joyous Easter. And please don't try to do this. It's really, really stupid.
Ugh, I gotta go...my stomach's starting to make weird gurgling and creaking noises.
Microwaving
Peeps!
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