Pimp My Cup.
April 1st, 2005
Keep things roughly evenly placed by putting on one jewel, then placing another directly on the opposite side of the cup. Then you can place one between each of those - one on each side. So you have four jewels, at 12, 3, 6 and 9 o'clock on a clock face, if you look straight down at it. Then from there you can keep going to your preferred level of crunkalicious ice.
Cover up those flowers! Real pimps can't show flowers on their bowls. I told Aubrey she couldn't have a pimp cup because she was my ho, but after I took the frying pan out of the back of my skull, she quoted me the line from a modern masterpiece of lyricism: " Ladies is pimps too, go and brush your shoulders off" - The Right Honorable Jay-Z. So, yes, with that precedence and the knowledge that pimpdom is a style and not a gender delineation, you party girls can go ahead and whip out those craft skills and make a pimp cup to shame the XYers at the house party! I want pictures! Send me pictures!!!
It took me a good couple hours to get all the jewels on. I estimated I used about six thousand and forty-two of them to achieve the desired effects. Yes, I said 42, nerds, I love you too. I really do. <3!
Do it while you watch TV or a movie or something. Don't try to sit there and just glue on bling - you'll go crazy. Me? I watched the first two episodes of the American version of the Office. I like the show but the characters are totally relegated to their archetypical casting. Innocent Oppressed Secretary Girl is fawned over by Pretty Tragic Hero salesman, antagonized by Diabolical Machiavellian coworker/superior. I have hopes for the series, but only if they break out into actual dynamic characters and not obviously fake documentary specimen. Plus I laughed for like five minutes when the guy said, "I'm really sorry....I'm your biggest flan" in the pilot episode. Do British people tell jokes on the wrong side of the street? Is that why the chicken crossed the road?
See, that didn't really take long, did it? Be careful putting them on! If you mess up, it's nearly impossible to fix it. Anyway. Let your cup sit for at least a few hours just to make sure everything is totally set up, the glue, the spray paint, your mom. Burn!
I was wary of the embarassment of jewels falling off en party, so after everything was set, I did a couple broad coats of a clear lacquer finish. Super glossy, of course. I was a little worried about it dulling the sparkle of the jewels, which it did a tiny bit, but I think it was a justified tradeoff because now I'm pretty sure it's at least decently stable.
Prepare to feast your eyes on the crunkiest goblet since crunk came to Crunk-Town!
The C is for CARL!...actually "C-Monster" which is what a coworker used to call me when I worked in a restaurant and learned how to cook in high school. Some day I'll post a drawing of the C-Monster logo, but it's basically been taken by Maxim since then. Jerks.
With a cup like this, you know you're going to get a reaction. And unless you're at an Amish party (ie, knitting circle, God Bless them), you know it's going to get at least a couple laughs. A cautionary word; this is definitely not dishwasher safe. It's probably not even hand washing safe, so just be moderately careful with it. I suppose it's cheap enough that it's no real loss if it gets smeared or smudged. You could probably just peel off the spray paint and start over, but sounds like a lot of work. I'm going to go to sleep. But I was serious about the pictures! If you guys and girls actually make any of the crap I do, send me the pictures, preferably with a sign or body-writing professing your love for the WAREHOUSE, and I'll put it up on the website. I just put up a reader submitted picture section, accessible from the homepage.
I'll be hopefully getting some good pictures of the Pimp Cup in action tonight, Friday, April 1st, 2005. If I do, I'll get them up here ASAP so you can see how much everyone loves the chalice.
Happy Rollin', Gs and Hos!
Actually a lot of the pictures are probably not socially acceptable, plus I'm usually the one taking the pictures so I'm not often in them. Anyway, enough excuses!
:.:.:. READER SUBMISSIONS! .:.:.:
I've received so many reader submissions I had to put them on their Gallery Page!
Check them out by clicking here
and don't forget to make your own Pimp Cup and send me a picture of you enjoying it!
Click Here for the Gallery
A few glances of the further exploits of the original theWAREHOUSE Pimp Chalice:
Syndicated
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