Go Down on a Hummer
regularly updated since October 25th, 2005
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Hummers, H2, H3, and their like are shameful. This is your chance to intelligently object to them. This is not a stab at FUH2 because that is a brilliant concept. Rather this is a more carefully considered outlet of similar frustrations. Hummers, Humvees, H2, H3 and whatever they roll out with next have no place in logical and socially-conscious suburban society, and this is how we should express this disparity:
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Take pictures of yourselves or your friends giving a Hummer the thumbs-down sign, and email them to me, here at theWAREHOUSE. We'll build up a library of these thumbs-down pictures and maybe, just maybe...change the world.
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Knee-jerk liberal reactionism dictates that conservative spend-happy environmentally destructive practices deserve no less than asinine rejection and mockery. Flipping a Hummer the bird. Wrong. If you flip someone off, they get pissed off back at you. Or they rationalize it by saying that you're jealous of their income level. Giving HUMMERs, H2s, and H3s a thumbs down can make them think, wonder, and possibly (if enough of us DO IT) understand what they're doing wrong.
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For all these reasons and more, give a Hummer a thumbs-down:
• Disgustingly poor gas mileage (10 to 15 mpg)
• Someone in the comments called it a "lie" to say that the primarily
suburban HUMMERs shirk logical emissions standards. "...However, Hummers
and SUVs are allowed to emit 5.5 times the level of pollution allowed for
other cars. According to the legislation, Hummers and SUVs are rural vehicles,
exempt from the tighter rules." source
• Never used as marketed
(IFAIK HUMMERs are car-wash clean, single occupancy, no-cargo vehicles)
• Dangerous to other cars because drivers aren't aware of the size
of their vehicle - due to their poor design, HUMMERs have very large blind spots
and small awkwardly placed windows
• Opulence and materialism is a plague of society, not a hallmark
To all HUMMER owners: we're not poor jealous hippies. We're intelligent and often well-salaried human beings who understand that what you're doing is wrong.
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Controversial, ire raising? You'd better believe it is!
Discuss this and other topics in theWAREHOUSE FORUM and make your voice heard!
Again, FUH2 is a great idea, but it doesn't really accomplish anything. No Hummer owner will ever see that site and think, "hey, maybe they're right! I should sell that gas guzzling ozone depleting death wagon. I can barely control it anyway! I'm going to get on the wait-list to buy a hybrid car today!"....it's just not going to happen. So instead of flipping a Hummer off, give it a thumbs-down.
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HATE MAIL Two spelling mistakes and sent anonymously. You're a winner... "i suggest you nail yourself to a tree and go on a hunger strike. maybe you could inhance that by having a gay friend pour lighter fluid on you and spark you up for the media. that would really say something ! perhaps you could use a hot glue gun and afix a Hummer emblem to your chest as well, just for effect. wouldn't that be great !! six o'clock news here we come." |
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LOVE MAIL - Thanks justin! "Another really obvious reasons to hate Hummers - they're terrible luxury vechicles. for 50k, the interior of the car blows. very plasticly. i mean, if your going to fuck up my air atleast do it with something cool. H2s are super trendy, but most car enthusiasts think they suck." |
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By the way, in case anyone was wondering, my wife and I both drive decade-old Saturns that get upwards of 30mpg. Which, yes, are older and less efficient than modern cars...but only for emissions standards. The "environmental footprint" of our good gas mileage helps makes up for the poor emissions. Anyone know of an online "emissions chart" directly comparing various years/makes/models? I'd love to see one comprise of real data.
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