The Smurfs Christmas Special
December 2nd, 2005
Even people who hate those little walking blue balls can't help but enjoy that sadistically infectious theme song. You know; la LA lala-lala, LA la LA la LA. {repeat}
There is a great awful part to this Christmas special you'll love, later on.
It's up there with, er, something really messed up.
Like that night you started drinking and that girl showed up
and you really liked her but you were drunk, you know,
so you got her alone and tried to tell her you really cared for her
but instead of words it was just vomit and vomit and vomit
and the next morning your buddies told you that it wasn't a girl at all
but it was really your crippled friend's helper monkey?
It's like that.
Anyway they don't say "smurf" nearly enough in this Christmas special but who's counting? It starts as "Horny Smurf" or something tries to get everyone to listen to his trumpet playing. Horny smurf. Trumpet. Yes. Now forget he exists until the last minute of the special.
Smurfy lookin' presents you have there, Jokey Smurf!
Horny Smurf plays his trumpet and blows up Jokey Smurf's bomb-present.
Terrorist.
By the way, sorry about that helper monkey part earlier.
I know, I know, it was meant to be...
Take this line from the movie as they're decorating the tree: "Move it a little higher, easy with those cones. A little lower Smurfette! That's right! perfect" Papa, "Ahhhh all my little smurfs look so happy." - now if that's not perverted I don't know what is!
Enter some forgettably cute kids riding in a sleigh with their grandfather.
I wish they didn't have to make such a strange plot for the Christmas specials.
Gargamel of course frets of how to destroy the smurfs.
He finds a recipe but can't make it, because he's a loser.
Gargamel wishes he was Snape.
Anyway the old guy and the kids fall victim to a ferocious wolf in the woods.
This is important because it exposes a glaring plot hole.
This mysterious dude stands around and seemingly commands the wolves
to attack and disable the sled full of Christmas kids.
Cut scene back to the sled! That's pretty morbid. Haha. That's the old grandfather unconcious, trapped under the sleigh.
The kids show up at Gargamel's house, saying "Our sleigh overturned and our grandfather won't open his eyes!" Geeze, pretty heavy for a Christmas special. Gargamel slams the door in their cute little faces. That's cold, dude. But little does he know that he'll be having a far more...sinister guest very soon.
The kids' dad berates the old man for his senility and weakness, then organizes a search party. Again, another throwaway character for the Christmas special.
Gargamel gets interrupted again (he's no Snape, that's for sure), but then this random mysterious figure who commanded the wolves shows up to offer Gargamel the secret to destroying the Smurfs in exchange for, get it, the two children who were wandering in the forest. Yes, the two children whom he just completely incapacitated singlehandedly with a pack of wolves. Idiot. Anyway this mysterious stranger just wants them as revenge against their father who keeps stopping his evil schemes. This matters in my wrap up of the special, so remember it.
The kids' dad offers Gargamel 10 gold coins for their safe return, and Gargamel plots to "have it all." This is also important.
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This part is wonderfully twisted. The kids, cold and alone in the forest, are pursued by the wolves and trapped against a tree. The girl weakly tries to tell her brother that all will be alright, then starts singing "Silent Night." This is just creepy. Holy infant so tender a mild, going to be torn apart by beasts of the wild!
Anyway Papa Smurf shows up and shoos off the wolves, who listen to him. The kids think Papa Smurf is Santa Claus! Haha, cute. The smurfs go back to the sleigh but the grandfather's already been rescued by the kids' father.
Now here's that awesomely awful part I told you about before. A Song Break!
"This is a little song we sing every holiday. It's very old, and very true."
Goodness makes the badness go away,
Goodness makes the happy every day!
Badness cannot start
if there's goodness in your heart,
Goodness makes the badness go away!
"Let's hear you sing it, children!"
This all goes on while the smurfs are jerking around
in 2 frames per second of apopleptic seizure.
It's so bad it's awful!
Later on they're wandering around the forest and Gargamel drops in and steals the children! Oh Noes! He hands the kids over to the evil stranger, who gives Gargamel the scroll to destroy the Smurf village! The Smurfs overhear all this and it's just Smurfy smurf Smurf Evil.
Gargamel finds the Smurf village, but it's abandoned. He reads the scroll, "come destroy the Smurf's good cheer, let not one survive this year!" Heavy...they're foodless, homeless. Smurf.
The Stranger overhears Gargamel trying to sell him out to the kids' father and tortures him with magic so that he will come along with him. He tries to sneak off, but the Stranger uses his magic.
This is sick. Gargamel asks where they're going. The Stranger says, "HOME. MY HOME, I'm quite sure you'll like it! No one leaves till after the ceremony!" - presumably the stranger is none other than THE DEVIL HIMSELF and he intends to drag the children and Gargamel down to HELL with him!
Smurfette asks, "what can we do against that Evil Power?"
Papa Smurf, "there is one greater power, the power of Love!"
So a pile of Smurfs gets together and they loudly sing that awful song they randomly sung earlier. Because, get it, goodness makes the badness go away.
SATAN yells, "I warn you SMurfs!!
StOp YoUR MEDDLING!!one!1evil!"
the kids start singing too and the DEVIL HIMSELF
starts chanting about fire rising up
and so even Gargamel starts singing too!
HOLY CRAP. This is some pretty heavy stuff
for a Smurfs Christmas special.
But hey, gotta beat Satan eventually, right?
Eventually the true power of Love overcomes the DEVIL.
SATAN collapses and fades away.
The father shows up and chases off Gargamel.
Everything's back to normal.
Right?
Nope! The Smurfs are poor and homeless!
They're all in blankets out in the cold and they finally
want to listen to Horny Smurf's trumpet solo.
Check it out, he goes Super Sayijin:
And NOW everything is fine.
SUMMARY - the whole movie was a Christian analogy
- Okay. Get this. It's pretty clear that the Stranger is SATAN.
But does it end there? Not by a long shot! Get this:
- The Kids' Father is God Himself
- The Kids are Jesus.
This may not make sense until you read the next part:
- Gargamel - Judas. Tempted by power and a bag of gold to betray those close to him!
First he betrays the Kids (Jesus) to the Stranger (Satan),
Then he feels remorse and betrays the Stranger to the Father!
- The Smurfs - good Christians, who resist the evil power of Satan by "singing and believing"
- The Grandfather - probably John the Baptist
- The Wolves - the Samhedrian or possibly the Roman soldiers
Now, the Kids are Jesus because at the end of the special, the Father (GOD) wants to punish Gargamel (Judas) for his role in the evil schemes. But the children forgive him and show mercy.
Get it? It's so clear. The Smurfs Christmas Special is an analogy for the Christian faith! Astonishing. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Smurf? Maybe not...(agree? disagree? come debate it on theFORUM.
Merry Smurfmas!
God Smurf us,
Every Smurf!
The End...or is it?
BONUS! CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!
Check it out. I love the japanese (their wacky sadism, not their music). I found a video of the famous JPop singers Gackt (a man, apparently), and Ayumi Hamasaki singing a slurred rendition of Silent Night, Holy Night.
This is a man, and he's singing. Google image search Gackt and I swear if you're a hetero dude it will freak you out.
The Japanese are so great that they actually walk around with video cameras to videotape Gackt on a giant video screen. I'm not being ethnocentric: look at the darn picture.
Here you see Gackt and Ayumi dressing up for cosplay, presumably. In the back is "Asian Paul Shaffer" while Gackt himself dresses up as that Trigun character. Ayumi dressed up as probably two-thirds of the female anime characters.
Happy Holidays
But don't go too far. Bookmark the main page because I will be updating the site in a few days with even more awesome old Christmas specials you just don't see on TV any more! I've got some GREAT ones. Can you say...Fat Albert? Tom and Jerry?...dare I mention it? STAR WARS???
Stay tuned, it's going to be a great Christmas.
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