January 20th, 2006 |
Here's a treat. It's the first article of the year (sorry for the delay). It features a snowman, sort of. The first article of last year also featured a snowman! What do you think about that?
I'm writing this while I'm flying on American Airlines. We're probably over California or Mexico right now, on our way to Hawaii. It's an almost eight hour flight. And the seats are too close together for me to properly open my laptop screen.
Once upon a time there was a marshmallow. He was a happy little marshmallow, and never could dream that his days would end swollen, bloated, in the middle of a giant exploding marshmallow penis.
Hearkening back to one of theWAREHOUSE's earliest articles, I'm more than happy to once again bring to surface the wonder that is the science of exploding marshmallows in the microwave.
Crazy little buggers expand like there's no tomorrow! I love it! If you let them go too long they'll start to carmelize and burn, but with a gentle touch you should be able to do great things.
For our office "Holiday Open House" party, we had one of those chocolate fountain things. They're fun, but loud, and messy. Anyway, after the party we had about a hundred thousand marshmallows leftover. These sat untouched in the office kitchen until last week. One of my bosses constructed a little mashmallow fellow (heh) out of a few masrhmallows stuck together with toothpicks.
Cute. But you know what would be ever cuter? Blowing him up with radiation!
Oh you can't beat fun like that. This is a wonderful time to be alive.
Encouraged by managerial excellence, I volunteered to take the rest of these wayward marshmallows home and treat them properly. Here's some of the crazy stuff I did with them. Hey, it's the beginning of the year and I just got back from vacation. Give me a break.
This series of experiments was conducted with the help of my two lovely assistants:
First up is a standard issue pissed off Marshmallow Man. This was mainly a recreation for photographic purposes. It's really hard to get these things to continue standing up, because the center of heat in the microwave is at the base. Weird, huh?
Poor fellow.
He never stood a chance.
And now for just a pissed off Marshmallow Head. I think he looks like Sandman from the Spiderman comics, personally.
Bwaaah!
Aaaand what happens if you take Tetsuo from Akira and put him in a Microwave? Well, let's just see, shall we? We'll pop him in the for, oh, about a minute and a half or so.
BAH-BAH (ki-eeeh) BAH BAH. BAH! BAH! Ah...Ki...Ra....
OH MY...OH MY....IT'S DISGUSTING! Turn it off turn it off, man, yuck, throw that think out.
Now in a move sure to enrage Peta and Chinese Food Restaurants everywhere, we're going to microwave a cat! This is purely so my site will come up when people Google "'microwave a cat' marshmallow"
No cats were harmed in the making of this article, except one of my cats who was sniffing around the tripod and got nudged out of the way but managed to fall over.
This is purely for Rock, Skamperdans, and little spanish eddie from theWAREHOUSE forums who would not have let me get away without microwaving a marshmallow PENIS.
Do I make you randy?
It's a beautiful thing.
Aaaaand finally the Marshmallow Snowman. I know you've all been waiting for this one. He was pretty fun, but like all the others was hard to keep standing up during the "experiment"
Sweet.
And kicked to the curb.
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