July 29th, 2006
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98...99...100!
theWAREHOUSE has reached One Hundred Articles! Thanks in no small part to the support from you guys! Check it out right there, up in the address bar: article_100.......Kinda sexy, isn't it? Yes. Yes it is.
But what to do for the 100th article on the site?
Eat 100 eggs?
Fight 100 midgets?
Right 100 social injustices?
Nah.
I will take it upon myself
to review a selection of 100 PROOF LIQUORS!
I know. I know. Get the Nobel Prize ready.
I took today off from work, drove around to four different liquor stores (from the suburbs to the ghetto!) and picked up quite a selection. I picked up seven different brands. Being a reporter is tough, but I do it all for you guys! Stop by theFORUM and show some love.
Let's get this party started! I'll be reviewing them and ranking on a scale from 1 to 10, keeping in mind that they are 100 proof liquors ranging across the scale from shockingly cheap to curiously expensive. I was originally going to just sip a shot of each but...come on. It's Friday!
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OLD GRAND-DAD
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Verdict: It's not bad!
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Review: Wow, this is a beautiful looking Bourbon-Whiskey. It's a rich orange in color, like Cheetos, and has a sharp scotch like bouquet. As for the taste, it's a little harsh going down, like a freshman with braces. Compared to other whiskies it's definitely able to hold its own, with strong oak flavour, but it's nowhere near as smoky and smooth as, say, a Glenfidditch.
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Rating: 6 SHOTS
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Great. That one was tasty. You should know that I'm doing this review while watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, so forgive me if I slip in a "gnarly" later on.
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SOUTHERN COMFORT 100 Proof
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Verdict: False sweetness destroys any pretense of flavor.
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Review: SoCo has a new label. Like a rapper who makes his own label. Like Fiddy Cent...Fiddy Percent (Alcohol)...right. Interesting. I usually find 80 Proof Southern Comfort too sweet, but this 100 proof SoCo is downright syrupy. Wow. It's almost butterscotch/maple/candy. There's a little nice flavor of molasses, but overall this is kind of gross. It definitely could use a splash of tonic or ginger ale to cut the flat warm cola taste.
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Rating: 4 SHOTS
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Eugh. Dang, that stuff was sweet. And not in a gnarly way. Aw, that was fast.
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MR. BOSTON VODKA
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Verdict: It smells kind of like rubber.
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Review: Well as far as ass cheap high proof vodkas go, it's not bad. That being said...damn, it's pretty gross. I mean, vodka is, literally, intended to not have a taste. This stuff tastes like paint thinner. This crap isn't worth the proof it's printed upon.
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Rating: 3 SHOTS
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Woo hoo! This was a great idea for an article. Yes indeedy. Thanks to the guys in theFORUM for the brilliance!
Well it looks like it's time to cook up MY LUNCH before I'm too "tips" to operate stoves and knives.
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W.L.Weller Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey
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Verdict: Wow. This is quality juice.
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Review: Wow. This stuff isn't fuckin' around. W L Weller...priciest stuff in the review, by far. Wow. It's tough like a bull but damn, this is some great whiskey. Yummy. Definitely a hard sipping whiskey, this stuff packs a punch, but it's got the flavor to back it up!.
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Rating: 8 SHOTS
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Oh.
Wait. Right.
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RUMPLE MINZE
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Verdict: What the...Eugh.
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Review: Really? Peppermint? Of course I've heard of Rumple Minze before. I've probably even had it before. BUT WHY WOULD ANYONE EVER DRINK IT?! What the hell? It's MOUTHWASH for your LIVERL! @$(*J YOU JERKS. lkjsadf.... filling the rest of this review with nonsense. LKe Ifsdk fo833.... 2.... bsfd.
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Rating: 2 SHOTS
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Seriously!
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Verdict:
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Review: WHat? It's...what? Cer...Cherry liquor? What/ Can they do that?
WHAT?
Neat. It's nice! Quite a punch for a whooooooo cherry flavorsed. Uh. Quite. Yes.! It's got a whallop! Damn. It's a little sweet, and a little like...AH! COUGH SYRUP but it's not bad otherwise. No real reason to buy it though!
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Rating: 5 SHOTS
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BLAAAAAAAAAARGH hahahahhaa, YES
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WILD TURKEY
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Verdict: Turkey turekruyL turky gobblegobble gboblee
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Review: Okay! I know. No, really. I know this one's 101 proof but see...that's why it's so brilliant. It's like the extra candle on a birthday cake for luck. It's singf signifcsn....signif..signficsnt....it means there's going to be a LONG BRIGHT FUTURE FOR theWAREHOUSE and I want all you great people to come along with me! But yeah it's pretty good whiskey.
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Rating: 6 SHOTS
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Haha, yes. That was fun!
And no trips to the hospital or stomachs being pumped, I'd say it was pretty successful. Stick around for lots more articles, poke around the old ones, and have fun. And thank you, really, for having hit the ads and helping fund some of the bandwidth this site uses (those darn kids hotlinking my pimp cup pictures for the backgrounds on their MySpace pages!). I really do appreciate it.
Here's to another 100! CHEERS!
As always, please check out our sponsors and visit the FORUM.
I look forward to your suggestions, contributions and feedback!
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