the WAREHOUSE

Poltergeist

Action	Goreboard	Sexitudity	Skeery	Teh Funny	Deathcount
4	5	2	6	4	Deaths: 0
Well some stuff does fly around for a while but there's not big Arnold explosions	Gore? Well, there's a little blood and a couple rotting corpses, oh and that guy's face melts off.	None! The mom flails around in some panties but that's it.	I suppose you might think this is a little scary if you're, say, 12.	There are a couple chuckle worthy moments, mostly making fun of the film.	NONE. Everyone who's dead by the end starts off that way at the beginning. I think this is a first for theWAREHOUSE.

LOOK OUT IT'S POLTERGEIST!

So I'm sitting here on my day off. I have my coffee mug of whisky and my copy of Poltergeist. DID I MENTION TODAY IS FRIDAY THE 13th!!! Have you seen Poltergeist? I have not. All I know about it is that Family Guy parodied it and that every once in a while my bosses shout out "They moved the tombstones...but they didn't move the bodies!"

It starts out at the end of a broadcast day, when the patriotic jumble fades out into snow. A husband has fallen asleep in front of the TV. A dog eats some potato chips.

The little girl, so cute, the picture of innocence, wakes up and walks towards the television, flicking with snow. She starts yelling at the TV, telling "them" to "talk louder! I can't hear you!"

She continues to have a one sided conversation with the TV. It seems pretty weird, especially the blank happy stare in her eyes.

yes

i don't know

The next day, we remember who the father is. It's Craig T. Nelson, the guy from that old sit-com Coach. Dude.

It's a typical idyllic suburb.

A bunch of drunk guys are sitting around watching a football game.

The mom finds that her daughter's bird is dead.

They have a creepy little ceremony for it, the girl placing food in the cigar box and saying a little prayer over it. It's pretty creepy.

After the kids go to bed, the parents sit around smoking weed and reading. Strong marriages are based on common grounds.

A young Craig T. Nelson looks a lot like Jeremy Piven.

The boy has trouble sleeping. Probably because of a damn creepy clown that's at the bottom of the bed.

Long story short, the kids end up sleeping in their parents bed because of the thunderstorm. Once again, the TV in the room runs out of air time. Do they even do that any more, or is it just infomercials and phone sex ads? It's gotta cost like, what, $10 to put an ad on that late, right? I should put one up for theWAREHOUSE:

"Hey Losers. Up Late? Come Bitch About how Life Screwed you Over in theWAREHOUSE forum!"

Carol Anne wakes up to a quiet whispering.

She climbs off the bed and, well, I think this describes it pretty well.

A spectral hand shoots out of the television, shaking the house. Carol Anne turns around to her parents who have just woken up, and says, "They're heeeere!"

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