December 26th, 2006 |
So I got an email the other day from an old friend. I hadn't heard from Rex in a long time! I kind of assumed he was in jail. Anyway he sent a lot of pictures so I thought I'd share his story.
Carl,
Hey there cracka! I figured I'd best send you these pictures
so you can bring 'em to trial in case I end up in jail.
I just got back from a road trip to Chicago.
You mammals certainly are gluttons for punishment.
I drove almost 1,400 miles from Rochester, NY to Chicago, IL because I heard they were doing a Navy basic training graduation ceremony. Now I can cross that one off the list of parties to crash before I go extinct.
WEDNESDAY
So I hop in the car and hit the road on Wednesday night. No problem. I'm rolling pretty good and I've got some good stuff hopping on the stereo. I think it was Istanbul (not Constantinople).
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I roll on through a bit of Pennsylvania. I like PA. Well, some of it anyway. Quakers, Amish folks, um...I think they have a lot of cobblestone and, um, they're the Keystone State, which is kinda cool. So...um. Go PA. Woo.
Ohio comes up pretty quick, and I realize that I've put down a bunch of miles and it's getty way late. So I crash at the Hampton.
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I love free soap. I pity the fool what gots a stink.
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See? Ohio.
The hotel was actually pretty comfortable.
I wasn't too afraid of catching the Herp from the sheets.
Which was nice.
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So it was a long day - can you blame a dinosaur for getting cozy?
THURSDAY
I hit the pavement early, and breezed through a couple cities.
GOJIRRA EAT STADIUM!
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Haha! I love it. Just like those Mighty Morphin' Stupid Rangers. I ARE GIANT! Har har.
I made a friend at a pit stop. Think she likes me? Just kidding.
Of course she likes me.
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I picked up a $5 instant win scratch off lottery ticket. Lost. Bummer.
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Only wusses play "duck duck goose" - all the cool kids play
Truck Truck Truck Truck Dinosaur.
Finally made it to Indiana. Sure took a while.
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Indiana has two things. Empty fields and giant trucks. Both are desperately trying to leave the state. The trucks are slightly ahead.
That is all.
Insert an undetermined amount of time here. Road coma.
As the fog was sweeping in, I crossed over into Illinois, and then to the Chicago Skyway. What a joke! It's just a bridge. Okay, it's a neat bridge, for sure, but it's just a bridge. Or were they referring to the whole system of hiways? Either way, it's hardly impressive. When I hear the term "skyway" I picture massive floating thoroughfares zooming along hundreds of feet in the air, not a smallish bridge.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea.
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You see, where Indiana had fields and trucks,
the city of Chicago had fog and traffic. Lots of traffic.
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It takes as long to get across Chicago as it does to drive through all of Ohio.
I checked into the hotel in Chicago and went to get a bite to eat at the Rainforest Cafe. It's a pretty silly restaurant that justifies the ridiculously high prices with the inclusion of fully animatronic gorillas, gigantic fish tanks, rain, and a huge staff of apathetic servers. But the food was pretty good.
The place had a bunch of my buddies behind glass. Not cool, dudes.
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They get so lazy in captivity.
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FRIDAY
So I bugger myself right into the Navy base graduation ceremony. Let's just say I have friends in high places. The car is escorted to a parking area, sniffed by bomb dogs, and overseen by guys with M-16s.
Then I spend a good hour or two waiting for things to get underway. What to do in the meantime?
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Hah hah, just kidding. I love you guys.
It was a pretty neat ceremony. Wasn't quite the party atmosphere I expected,
but there were lots of clapping parents and a ton of marches.
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See how the might of a dinosaur impresses this young sailor?
Do not worry; I didn't eat him.
Well that was fun. Time to turn around and get out of here.
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Driving again at night - trying to stay awake with a couple energy drinks. I did pretty well. Made it halfway through Indiana. When I decided to pull off for the night, it turned out that I exited right into Michigan. Eww.
I ended up in the town famous for motorcycle rallies. Sturgis! Loud pipes save lives. Save a horse, ride a Harley. Etc etc. JUST KIDDING - this was not the Sturgis, just a Sturgis. The motorcycle Sturgis is down in South Dakota.
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SATURDAY
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Any morning where you wake up to this kind of breakfast
is going to be a good morning.
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Another hobojillion hours of driving later and I finally made it back to Ohio. I picked up another $5 lottery ticket here - and won! It was only $25, and with the cost of the two lottery tickets being $10 I really only cleared $15, but still...I'll take it! I pity the fool who looks a gift horse in the mouth!
This guy probably looked a gift horse in the mouth.
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FINALLY. FINALLY!
So yeah, it was a good way to kill four days. A few dozen hours of driving and a few hundred dollars in gas, food, tolls, and other expenses was also cool too.
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I kept all the receipts from the trip and, can you believe this? It turns out I got over 30mpg. Not bad for a fourteen year old car! Suck it, Hummers.
There you have it, Carl, what do you think? I bet you wish you could've ridden shotgun and kept me company. Maybe next time, kid. Maybe next time.
...oh and if you put this up on your website, I'll eat your toes while you sleep.
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