June 2nd, 2007
I don't remotely remember what I was Google Image Searching for when one of those death metal images came up. You know the ones. The (often intentionally) excellently ridiculous band pictures that these people use to attract people to their quote unquote music. So why not slap some captions on them? As the XKCD creator says, "I'm from the internet"
Note, that it has been pointed out to me several times in the comments at the end of the article that many of these are black metal and not death metal, or they're trash metal and not death metal...etc. Okay, fair enough. Since I've added this disclaimer, people continue to email me, so perhaps underlining it might help? Don't make me use the blink tag, dear sweet readers!.
By far the most fortuitous band for this was Immortal - they're the guys below in the "wish I was KISS" makeup. How do these people justify putting on so much makeup as being evil? Weak sauce, dudes. Regardless, they're rife for parody. RIFE!
Above is Behemoth, a couple of...men?...whose total weight is probably 200 pounds. Don't worry. They're from the Matrix.
Above, more Immortal goodness. Below, Cradle of Filth.
What the heck kind of band name is Gorgoroth? The kind of band name that has guys like this:
You know what? Back to Immortal:
Man I love those Immortal guys. But moving on, here's Mayhem:
And Soilwork: (seriously...soilwork? That's gardening. Not metal)
These crazy metal guys seem born to be mocked. I mean, okay, the stage presence I'm sure is great and the evil and the whatnot. Okay, it just seems like so much work. I'm sitting here with a cocktail, a fan running, and Seinfeld in the background. You know what it is? It's the cold that does it. All these black-and-or-death metal guys are just rebelling against the cold. A space heater could solve a lot of problems.
Blood Red Throne:
Celtic Frost (sounds like a delicious soda):
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