June 19th, 2008

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Hey kids! I know we've all been waiting with baited breath for the second installment of theWAREHOUSE thinks you're crazy and today, many moons later, we bring you an update. Waiting and anticipation of this magnitude is kind of like building up power for a huge lightning bolt and this one's going to be great! Heh. Anyway. Check out this round of madness.

What? Are you one of those few who hasn't seen the first theWAREHOUSE thinks you're crazy?! Unacceptable! Check out the first article right now! Then come back here.

I do have an update of the crazy sign builder, but I'm saving that for the end of the article. FIRST you get a view of this.

 

 

"What the heck is that, Carl? Are you waisting my time?" Calm down, Chedderella. First off it's spelled "wasting" and second off I'm getting to it. Don't rush me.

I pass a neat little church on my way to work, and they're holding a blood drive. No big deal yeah? Well, check out how they're advertising it. I'll preface the next picture by saying the last couple times I've given blood they had things like a free pound of coffee or a ridiculously ugly tshirt. What are they giving away at this church-held blood drive?

 

 

A free lottery ticket. A scratch off lottery ticket. Take a second and think about that. The church...is encouraging...gambling. I mean they hold Bingo tournaments all the time but they tend to be more social gatherings at least as much as prize fairs. Still, a lotto ticket is pretty out there.

Okay that in and of itself isn't theWAREHOUSE thinks you're crazy worthy. But check out what they're calling the program (or at least how they're describing it).

 

 

SCRATCH & BLEED.

Isn't it tough to get people to come into blood drives anyway? Why on earth would you call a blood drive SCRATCH & BLEED? I mean, I get the joke. Because when you get a scratch it can bleed, but in this usage it also means scratching off the lotto ticket in exchange for giving blood, but... really? It's just a little macabre. Scratch & Dent, Scratch & Sniff...Scratch & Bleed!

 

 

SCRATCH & BLEED!

There's a set of these creepy little madman signs on both sides of the intersection which the church property abuts. No escape! Scratch and bleed!

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Aight. Now let's get down to business and some serious crazy.

Remember on the first edition of this article the crazy sign putter-upper was ranting about how a sewer line would kill him? Well a few months ago he was still pretty, er, concerned about this event. And his punctuation is as great as ever!

 

 

Let me see if I can help you out a little. Check out the madness of his apostrophes.

THERE IS NO
EASEMENT -
RIGHT'S ON -
MY LAND FOR
PERINTONS
WEAPON
SMITH I'LL GIVE MY
LIFE TO KEEP YOUR
CORRUPTION OUT
WILL YOU GIVE YOU-
-R'S OR KILL ME TO
BRING IT IN
THAT
IS WHAT IT
WILL
TAKE

Wow. Two apostrophes used; both used incorrectly. Calling a sewer line a weapon? Genius. The madness down at the end of the sign with the bewilderingly placed "THAT" is amazing. True typographic artistry. Thinking Smith wants to kill him and put a sewer line through his property? Priceless.

But hey, we're just getting started!

Check this out. Check it. Out. Come on:

 

 

IT'S A GRAVE! A great little 3 foot long grave on the road side! Amazing! And there are backwards "N"s! I love this man.

HERE LIES-THE OWNER
KILLED
BY THE TOP OF THE
100 MOST CORRUPT
TOWN GOVERИMEИòT-
S IИò THE USA

CORRUPTION
IS AN ACT OF
TERRORISM
THIS COULD HAPP-
-EN AS LONG AS IT
CAN BE HID BEHIND
CLOSED DOORS

These are true works of art. I'm so glad to be able to photograph them for you. I don't know why a little weird "o" is showing up next to the И sometimes. Forgive me!

You might wonder why he breaks words the way he does, specifically putting the "-S" to pluralize "GOVERИòMEИòT-" on its own line. I wonder too. I have no answers for you except remember when you were a kid and you'd start writing your name reallllly large on a piece of paper? You'd start in the middle because you had no forethought for how long the word actually would be - so everything got all squished up at the end. I'm pretty sure this is the same.

"But Carl, why doesn't he just rearrange those letter tiles as he's laying them out?" Good question. Let's take a closer look

 

 

They're hand painted! These aren't those letter tiles that go in church and auto-store signs. These are lovingly painted, plotted out in pencil, hand drawn letters. Look at the lovely curve of the "C" and the beautiful blocky "S"...amazing. Look at the care and dedication. Marvel at the madness. MARVEL ONCE AGAIN! Now rest.

Recently he's been pretty quiet with the roadside displays. I wonder if he got in trouble (I can't imagine what for - it's his property. Maybe being a distraction to drivers like me?) or if he somehow stepped it up and actually tried to contact SMITH? I wonder about this man a lot. I worry for him. I hope he puts out more signs. They're so wonderfully creative and absolutely bizarre.

Remember kids: support your local crazy men and women. They need you.

The End
 

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