September 22nd, 2008

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It's been a long time. If you're at all a regular reader of theWAREHOUSE you've obviously noticed that I haven't updated the main page in over two months. There's a bevy of reasons but none are particularly important or definitely not interesting. I have at least a half-dozen picture sets or article ideas waiting in the wings. I never particularly stopped thinking about working on theWAREHOUSE articles; I just didn't happen to complete them. But all that's over, I think.

Anyway, I thought it would be appropriate to wait to reupdate theWAREHOUSE with this particuarly amazing article. Imagine, for a second, Chuck Norris. The toughest guy in the world, perhaps? Well, for all the pandering and internet memes, we all know he's nothing next to Christopher Walken. Yes, that's right, Christopher "Walken in a Winter Wonderland". In the result of a pleasantly roundabout set of conversations up on the forum, I decided to create a signature dish. Okay, does the world really need a food based off yet another famous person? You're damn right it does.

Here's where the significant line of reasoning begins. You are aware of corn dogs, correct? Such as the great ones sold at the Quincy Market in Boston? Or really the ones sold anywhere, any time. It's a hot dog, on a stick, dipped in a cornbread batter. It's pretty freaking awesome. But you know what we need to do? We need to step it up a notch. You know when people started frying candy bars like the Three Musketeers? We need to create the Crisptopher Waffken.

A Crisptopher Waffken is fried chicken covered in waffle batter.

GET IT? Because Waffken = waffle + chicken. And Crisptopher because it's crisp!.....topher.

 

 

The start of any good fried chicken is to soak the public market chicken drums in buttermilk for at least two hours. If you don't stock buttermilk (I don't), simply add a tablespoon of vinegar or lemon juice to a cup of light milk, stir, and let it sit for 5 minutes before pouring on the chicken. This is a pretty simple start. Now to get your coating together.

 

 

A fried chicken coating can be just about anything. A very good recipe uses flour and dried potato flakes. I happened to use bread crumbs, flour, and crushed tortilla chips. Go nuts, have fun. Add a LOT of salt and a little pepper.

Also, prepare a raw egg or two, strongly scrambled in a separate bowl. Heat up oil too. I used a mix of vegetable and olive. Oil, that is.

 

 

While you're working on this stuff, mix up a couple dipping sauces. I tried straight maple syrup and a ketchup/mustard/honey mix. I preferred the ket/must/hon and Aubrey preferred the maple syrup. So go nuts. Have a little fun.

 

 

Dredge the chicken through the egg, then press into the coating mixture. Place the chicken in the hot oil. Brown it for a few minutes, then turn it and brown it for a few more. But watch it like the Sentinel.

 

 

OH MY GOD doesn't that shit look good? Yeah, yeah it do. If I was a Deer Hunter this would be waffle dipped veal.

 

 

Sorry for all the chicken food porn but holy cow this stuf looks awesome. But you're only halfway done buddy boy.

Once everything's thoroughly cooked (and I mean thoroughly; you don't want to mess around with raw chicken.

Drain it very well. I used a cookie rack over some paper towels. Whatever works for you.

 

 

Is he a madman? HE'S A MADMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!

Dip the fried chicken drumsticks in the prepared Belgian Waffle Batter. You did already prepare it by this point in time right? Right? Give them their sweet Last Embrace, because you're standing at Heaven's Gate.

 

 

Return it to the pan of hot oil after straining out any floating gross bits that you can. Those little buggers are kind of trapped in The Dead Zone. Just be careful; hot oil is quite dangerous. Don't put water in it, don't spill it. Don't set it on fire. Don't pour it down your drain. Et cetera. Don't expose yourself to it At Close Range.

 

 

Turn it as appopriate. I ended up doing a few minutes on one side, a few minutes on the other, and a minute or three on the awkward third side. At that point in time, it does have a pretty delicate Deadline.

 

 

Yeah. Pull it out and drain it again for a minute or two. Then get your sweet-ass hedonism right in line and dig in on this stuff. It's like Communion, but you know, without the sacrilege.

It is AWESOME. The Crisptopher Waffcken is a nearly unbridled and complete success. I feel like a King of New York. You do need to try this. Put it on your list of things to consume before you dieeeee. This Isn't A Scam, it's really True Romance. If there's a plate of this stuff around, I might just have to est myself to Search and Destroy.

I do have a couple of caveats, experience from my adventure. Check it out almost as your Prophecy.

If one thing at all put me off this excellent Christopher Walken dish, it wasn't the sweetness of the waffle batter; it was the vanilla flavor. That stuff came on like a Vendetta. The saltiness of the chicken contrasts amazingly with the sweetness of the waffle. Perhaps in future incarnations I might simply use pancake batter, mmn, Blast From the Past.

I think I might have made the waffle batter a bit thick, because as you can see it flowed and flattened out quite a bit as it fried. I might like to try a slightly thinner batter, just a light coating instead of a huge layer. I do think that might help. It sure beats the crap out of Popcorn Shrimp.

And here's The Rundown. I also think perhaps if there was any good way to cook the waffle coating quickly without frying, it would be great. This is because frying the waffle coating soaks up a lot of oil. It's not spongy or soupy, per se, but it's sure as heck "greasy" says someone who lives in the home of the Garbage Plate. Yeah! Sure made me feel like a Man on Fire. Click! I wonder if it would be possible to bake them for a few minutes at a really high temperature, like 500 degrees or something? Would be very interesting.

A final note, this dish reheats verrrry well. I'm eating a drumstick right now!!

The End
 

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